Pain-একটু হোক ইংরিজি | Sohom

          Hearts and Smiles | Sohom Chakrabarty

[Illustration: James Homer Brown, US]

The papers were getting scarce now.

She had started with a bundle of some twenty loose pages when she sat on the table. She knew she would be requiring rework and kept sufficient resources with her. Or so she thought that time.

But as she tried to put down her feelings on paper, something wrong was happening each time. She was not being able to gather up her thoughts. She was getting distracted by one thought when she was trying to put down another. And as more and more thoughts were flooding in, her skull was proving insufficient to hold each of them in an orderly manner. She thought her head would burst.

She let a huge sigh out of her system and puckered up the sheet in front of her. Then she threw it on the basket beside the table. Some dozen more papers were piled up there in the same condition.

What was she required to write? She was still not clear about it. She had never done this in her life before. But never did such a thing happen in her life.

And the more she thought about it, the more awkward it felt. She felt herself like a stupid idiot, but still she could not stop the flow of thoughts in her head. What can she do now? She was in love with her best friend’s boyfriend.

Her teenage life was a wreck. Her problems seemed to surmount her basic ways of life. And nothing proved worthwhile to help her come out of them.

Then one day her best friend introduced her boyfriend in a coffee shop. She had heard a lot about him before, but that was the first time she saw him. And as the normal ways of acquaintance proceeded, they became friends and started talking over the phone.

And surprisingly, she found in him the one who made her forget all her worries, all her problems. He was so candid with her that she could discuss each of her problems with him, and he even gave a few solutions to them. She thinks sometimes why she hadn’t met him before; her life could have been a lot less stressful then. He had a way of explaining each crisis she faced in life such that they looked so ordinary, and so manageable. Earlier, they seemed to choke her throat.

It was only natural that she fell in love with him. She could not help herself from this thing, and neither did she want to. She always felt it wonderful to talk to him, at least for some time during the day. She knew he loves her best friend and the two are such made for each other kind of couple, but still her heart would always feel the sweet pain of love every time she sees or talks to him.

And today she decided she must do something about it. What she did not know for some time, but then she thought of penning down her thoughts in a letter and give it to him. But she was failing each time she was going to write.

She started feeling low again. She would have to go with this feeling all through her life. She has no other choice. Why can’t anything happen in a simple way in her life?

She suddenly picked up the phone and dialed his number. As the number was getting connected, her eyes became tearful. She did not know what to say to him. But she did not disconnect the call.

“Hello,” came his sweet voice, “Calling now?”
“Yes,” her voice choked as she spoke the first words after a long process of emotional thoughts.
“Oh my God, are you crying?” he became a bit concerned.
“Hmmm,” she said, “I don’t know what to do.”
“Okay,” he said, “So you think of me.”
“It’s not like that. I think of you all the time.”
“I am so pleased to know that,” he smilingly said, “Tell me now. How can I be of service to my darling?”
“Don’t call me darling please!” she did not know what made her say that. But such small words of affection are the ones for which she keeps on waiting.
“Did I do something wrong?” he asked calmly.
“No. Can you ever?”
“I don’t know that. Maybe I hurt you somewhere.”
“You can never hurt me,” she said, “You know you gave me a new life.”
“Then what’s the crying for. Tell me fast, I need a good afternoon nap. And I don’t want to see your crying face in my dreams.”

His words made her laugh in spite of her tears. But again she went on to her thoughts.
“Tell me. Will I ever get someone so beautiful….as….beautiful as you in my life? Who will be for me?”
He took some moments to reply, “I always think of that. And I believe you will get.”
“Can I love him the same way?” she closed her eyes and tightened her lips. The words had come out almost involuntarily.
“You will love him more, sweetheart” he remained so calm as if he already knew what she thought of him. He said, “You will love him more because he will be only for you, just for you.”

Her face loosened up. His voice was so controlled and so friendly that she inclined to believe him.
“Believe me,” he said, “You will love him more. Now give me a good smile so that I can sleep well.”

She smiled and hung up the phone. She looked at the receiver for a few more seconds. Then she looked at her table.

She found the page on the table wetted by some of her tears. She looked at it and found a shape of a small heart had formed there with her tears. She had a little smile on her face noticing this. She did not know what came to her, but she picked up the pen and wrote his name on the right side of the heart. And then she waited for sometime with the pen on the left side of the heart.

And with the wait, the smile on her face broadened up and she wrote her name on the paper. Then she held up the page up in front of her. And then she held it to her bosom and hugged it tightly to herself. Her eyes closed, tears rolled down her soft cheeks and her smile spread all over her face.

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